and in summary....

OK, this pretty much sums up my feelings and heart after the past two and a half weeks. Its a quote by Elizabeth Elliott (former wife of Jim Elliott, missionary to the Quichua Indians of Ecuador) a wonderful woman who loves the Lord with all of her heart:


"God is God. Because He is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will, a will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notion of what He is up to."


I can add nothing to it.

(old eggs)

.....that was the verdict. No big deal, the OB said, you just have 40-year old eggs, which are not as healthy or vibrant or (was she going to say fresh??) .... as they were when you were 35. So, this is what often happens - 1 out of 75 times to 1 out of 50 times for a gal your age.
So, based on her observation, I am in great company - as most of my g/fs are over 40....I just stand out though, I guess, attempting to hatch one of those old eggs :)

bad news

You are my hiding place;

you will protect me from trouble and

surround me with songs of deliverance.

Psalm 32:7

Maybe you were the recipient of my quickly-dashed off email last night before I headed to the ER here in Norfolk, and maybe you're hearing it here first; regardless, not happy news. It appears that I'm beginning to miscarry. The worst part is, though, is that I have to wait until sometime later today or even tomorrow afternoon for the lab work to confirm it - new blood work and all. So while I can feel that things aren't right, ultimately I may not have a definitive answer until tomorrow.


God is sovereign....and He Himself knows what it is like to lose a child.


Just keep Andy and me in mind today, prayers, if you do - and I'll post here to let you know what's going on.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD.

Isaiah 55:8

ree-coop-er-ay-ay-shun....

I think all of the effects -both positive and negative- of the surgical anesthesia finally wore off sometime this evening, and after a good night's sleep tonight I might be ready to begin some serious healing tomorrow. At least that's the plan.

There is the slim chance that a couple of you have no idea that I am painstakingly typing with only limited benefit of a left hand which is presently shaped like a sausage patty....with plump links for fingers. A blog is a good a place as any, too, to confess, a la AA style that,

I am 40 years old, and I fell out of a tree. Because I did not choose to get down the long ladder that I had actually looked at, but decided was too much trouble.

And I broke my arm. In 3 places.

(pause)

My left arm, which is a blessing as I am indeed, right-handed.

Ahem.

OH, AWRIGHT!!

.....and yes, yes, I knew full well that I was with child when I began the entire project. With as in one more than the two who were on the ground, egging me on.

There, I said it.

So, that's it, folks. Throw the first rope swing if you have never done something that you knew wasn't quite on the level but you decided it would all work out in the end. as my ever lovin' husband points out > my strength does not lie in thinking things all the way through....

The girls seem to be doing better daily. They have settled into a routine here at Meemaw & Deedee's house that includes K/preschool in the mornings, naps, snacks, TV hours (Dora, I'm sure), baths, books and bed. Surprisingly, Abbo is giving everyone the hardest time, mainly at bedtime, bu the word "NO" has become her friend. This does not bode well for one-handed-mothering, which I'll be attempting on Wednesday since there is a field trip and she can't go. Maybe a little indoctrination is in order. Hannahberry is enjoying a week off from chores, too much TV and chasing boys (!) during recess in preschool. I think she's also seeing that she has it pretty good with homeschooling....at least I hope she is.

Once my hand stops going numb and no longer needs to be propped on a notebook to achieve a good typing angle, I'll have to write about a few of the many lessons I've learned from this entire ordeal. Not really a lesson, but a gimme: God is good all the time, All the time God is good. From the get-go I've trusted that God will have me come out stronger and able to bless others with what I've learned and also to witness for myself the changes that He has in store for my family on so many levels as a result of this accident. For one thing, being forced to count on my husband (of all people!)(sarcasm!) for basic things like bathing needs is certainly not my style, but in just one week of doing so, I've felt a whole fresh love for him just begin to take root and grow! Truly. I had allowed some minor stuff to annoy me and the smallest bitterness was setting out roots - just the typical stuff that comes after 10 years of marriage - and I'm sure he could say the same thing about me....it is one thing to remember vows you said a decade before, but another to live out the "in sickness and in health." And while I wholeheartedly believe that my prayers are heard, to dutifully pray "for a stronger marriage" often ends up being just words. In our place now, its happening! The great thing is, its a deeper caring that has the benefit of maturity (?!) and life experience. So, this is one way that God is turning my lack of forethought into a basket of blessings that are so welcome and well-received.

According to one of the three clocks I see, its close to midnight so I'll be signing off. Can't wait to post more pictures of the girls, who seem to change daily. Don't give Andy too much of a hard time - he's my hero :)

One more thing, and you heard it here first: although I am still only barely pregnant at 6 weeks, my due date will be sometime around May 19, 2010. See! Aren't you glad you subscribe to my blog? You knew the news first!!

close call

I think I scare some people. I really don't mean to, its just that I feel this wave rushing up in me sometimes and then it starts to gush...and I gush, and the words come out and I get louder because I want to make sure they are understanding me, I mean REALLY understanding me and feeling it like I am feeling it and...OH! It is SO HARD being me sometimes!! Read on...READ ON, OK, this is IMPORTANT TO ME...

So I lugged those girls back to Clifton Forge again today to switch vehicles with Andy. My ever-lovin' husband is so calm, (usually) so patient (OK, not usually, but he's getting better) with me, always thinking a step ahead while I remain firmly in the moment....and he listens to me tell how we're going to the park and then to the library because the CF library has a better selection of books for our homeschool curriculum, and, "OH, daggone it, I forgot my wallet. A-gain."(pronounced, per Hannah, ah-gain). Can I use your library card?

This is where Andy wisely pauses, looks me over and says, "No." Its love. Tough Love. He knows that I have an $8 fine on my account and that he doesn't want to destroy his own library credit with my forgetfulness. However, after pleads from the Littles, he gives in, he says, "against his better judgment."

So we go to the park, play, go to the library, play, get books and jam back in the truck to go home. Or, rather, to the transfer station because the trash bags in the back are getting stinky...

So on the way out of town, Hannah sees a CF local flash his thumb out for a ride. I try to explain hitchhiking, Jack Kerouac, On the Road, the Beat Generation, and so on.....she loses interest, so I tell her we'll watch for the "no hitchhiking" sign at the on ramp of the interstate.

I'm happily chatting it up when I turn left in front of Dabney, pull on to the on ramp, and There They Are. Two of Virginia's Finest writing invitations to join them in court at a date in the near future.

Sadly, instead of whispering a prayer to the Lord for their safety and mine, I say,
"Crap. Crap, crap, crap."
"Why you say crap, Mama?"
"Mama's getting ready to get a ticket."
"Are you going to jail, Mama?"
"No, I hope not."
"Can I come? I want to see you in jail, mama!"
"No, be quiet, I have to think."
"I wanna go to jail!!"
"No, I'm going to jail with mama!"
"No, me!"
"Mama's going to jail, mama's going to jay-ayl"
"Mama is NOT going to jail, please be quiet. We're next."

So the trooper waits for me to hand over my license.

I give him Andy's library card and flip up the checkbook so our address shows.

I say, "Look. We came to Clifton to switch vehicles and so I could dump the trash. I got there, realized I'd left my wallet at home and even had to borry my husband's library card."
"Is mama going to jail?"
"Hush."
"We live in Callaghan..."
"What is YOUR name?"
"Heidi Morris. Here, see on the checkbook?" I thrust the checkbook at him, and I swear he took a step back.
"Do you have a license?"
"Yes, its at home. Its in my purse. I just got a purse and I'm not used to carrying it. I have to keep up with the girls, and...."
"Is it suspended?" I notice for every octave my voice rises, his drops. He's goooood. It just wasn't working for me.
"No. I promise. That last ticket I got was in Rainelle over a year ago and I just didn't see the sign....."
"Are you wanted for anything?"
"No, nothing. Never." (I'm practically yelling now, I'm so emphatic.) (He just HAS to believe me!)
"OK, just don't let it happen again."
"I'm really careful about not speeding, in fact...."
"Your wallet. Don't let it happen again that you forget your wallet."
And he takes a very OBVIOUS step back and waves me on.

We never did see the no hitchhiking sign.
But we did pray and thank God that I didn't have to go to jail.

And Andy wonders why I need naps.

my "real" job

And so.....I gave my notice at Sentara Home Health this morning. I was so sorry to do it, because they really do seem like a good group to work with. It just wasn't going to work with my schedule and Andy's schedule. I certainly hope I didn't burn any bridges.

The girls were disappointed, too. Hannah said she wanted to go to work with her Daddy. Well, we can't all have our way all the time.

Our homeschool schedule for today is thrown to the wind. After I got home from turning in my resignation letter, I got Andy off to work and I lugged the girls into town to get a couple things. I got a calendar for school at the Dollar Tree, a pregnancy test (hey, you never know! and its just a dollar!!), and some band-aids, which we use in bulk around here; they're a good reward. ("If you will eat those carrots, I will put a green band-aid on your leg....no carrots, no bandaids....nope, I will not change my mind....that's a good girl....yummo....")

After a visit to the store, I let 'em run around the AET park (the one behind WalMart). Hannah climbed the rock wall by herself for the first time! I couldn't keep Sugar Baby off the high slides and she maneuvered up the little rock wall in no time flat. Then the girls watched the guy from Arritt Funeral Home taking down a couple canopy tents from the Memorial Day activities that were at the park this weekend. They had lots of questions, and Hannah had lots to tell him. He now knows all of our birthdays, where we live, our ages.....I hope he's honest and not into identity theft on the side or anything.

Well, I have a load of laundry in the wash, one in the dryer, both towels. In keeping with my philosophy of doing two loads of wash a day, we might have to go bare, but at least we'll be dry!

Off now to begin our first homeschool lesson after Creation. We'll be studying the sun. Hopefully it will clear up outside so we can do our science activities!!

Put your money where your values are

I'm on many email mailing lists - mainly to get the great coupons and free samples that companies send out by the gigabite-load. This morning, in my email box, I was excited when I saw "Ben and Jerry's Chunkmail" which was (I thought) promising a new flavor. Only on my first cup of coffee, I didn't put the signifigance of "Hubby Hubby" together with "Vermont" and get what it really was until I read the following (copied direct from my email):

In partnership with Freedom to Marry we are gathered here to celebrate

Vermont and all the other great states where loving couples of all kinds

are free to marry legally. We have ceremoniously dubbed

our iconic flavor, Chubby Hubby to Hubby Hubby in support,

and to raise awareness of the importance of marriage equality.
http://www.benjerry.com/hubbyhubby/

In reply, I "ceremoniously" informed the company that I will no longer support their mission(s) by no longer being a consumer of their product. I also advised them that I will let all of my friends know that I am chosing to stand by the values that I hold dear, namely, a stand against immorality.

When I drop 20 lbs over the course of the next month, you'll know that its because I've laid off the Mission to Marizpan and Cherry Garcia.....

Must reads on this topic:

http://www.citizenlink.org/sherman/

http://www.exodus.to/

http://borndifferent.org/science.html